Journey to Parenthood with Endometriosis

A ten-year journey of failed IVF treatments, 9 miscarriages, 2 ectopic pregnancies, and unsuccessful attempts at surrogacy, ending with the unbelievable joy of a gorgeous son through domestic adoption (joining us at 4 months, now 5 years old) and a vibrant, caring daughter via permanent care (joining us at 16 months, now 3 years old).

Both of our children had quite different experiences of foster care (length of placement and motivation of carers) and transition.  Our son was in a very loving environment, with foster carers who shared similar values to us.  They could not have been more helpful and welcoming.  We remain in close contact to this day. For our daughter, the foster carers provided very little information about her routines, and appeared to undermine the transition process.  They decided to cut off ties, and therefore there has not been any ongoing relationship.  Unfortunately, this did trigger significant trauma for our daughter, which we are continuing to learn about and deal with 18 months down the track.  

Asked would we do it all again, I would say, ‘in a heartbeat’. If I knew what I know now, what I would want to tell the next person is, ‘This will challenge you with every ounce of your being, it will test every relationship you have, with your partner, your family, your friends, it will cost you personally, emotionally, financially - but it is the BEST thing you are ever going to do in your life.'

We feel that we have come out the other side stronger individually and as a couple.  You learn about yourself and gain insights about your character.  You become more reflective about the parent you want to be and we know we are better parents for having travelled this path. You gain an even deeper appreciation of family.  For us, family has always been about love, care and support, NOT biological ties.  We have lived this, rather than thinking about an abstract concept or a hypothetical ‘what if’.

Seek out other people who understand.  There are still misunderstandings and stigma around adoption and permanent care.  We have deliberately looked for friendships among people with shared or similar experiences, to help us manage this for our children, now and into the future.

Absolute positives have been the people that our son and daughter have brought into our lives with them, people we would not have met if we had not gone through this journey.  We also got better at surrounding ourselves and our children with people who were accepting and positive influences in our family’s lives.  We are living the life that we always wanted to live together, having reached it in the most unlikely way.